pure michigan.

As always, today I am having what I like to call a "vacation hangover."  It's a day where my exhaustion, empty bank account, and list of things to-do all hit me at once like a mack-truck and I want to return to where I came from.  As in, get my luggage, go back through security and hop back on a plane.

I want to be back in the sunshine, screaming along to songs in the car with the windows rolled down, whispering under the covers with my bffs, laughing so hard you I am sore the next morning, and deciding it can be happy hour at any point.  

This weekend to celebrate the fourth of July, I flew up to Chicago and spent four fabulous days with my bffs on Lake Michigan and in the Windy City.  The ladies of JOLAS (Jenna, Olivia, Lexi, Sara and myself) all became a close-knit group in college - as we all sang in the same a cappella group (that's right, I was a Gleek before Glee even existed!) at the University of Virginia.  (Shameless plug - check out their website and their songs on iTunes.  The Virginia Sil'hooettes. )  

Olivia and I met my first year when we made the group, and have been pretty much joined at the hip since.  To say we talk everyday is probably and understatement.  I heart her big time.  Lexi was a Homer (new member) the year after we were and we loved her curly hair, sweet sentiment and amazing voice the moment we spotted her outside the Lawn room.  Jenna and Dougie (Sara) joined the ranks two years after us (they are my sister's age) and we have been an unstoppable force since.  I often forget we are different ages, live very different lives and come from different parts of the country - because we have such a seamless group dynamic.  To be the oldest member of this "clique" and to look up to each and every one of these girls is such a blessing.  They are there when I have something exciting to celebrate (even if it's over email during the work day) and have been a shoulder to cry on slash the best therapists I've ever been to visit.  There is something deeper than companionship that I share with these women - something about the power of performing and working towards the same goals and under the same love of music that brings us closer to each other each time we are in the same room.

About three summers ago we decided to venture to Wrightsville Beach, NC and last year they came to visit me in deep south and we visited Charleston and Folly Beach.  Thus, a tradition was born!  Every year is more fun than the last - and we always decide we are going to make it work and plan this trip as a priority (because summers are busy and as we get older  - ew, adulthood - it's harder and harder to get off of work!) no matter what!  This year we decided on Chicago - to see Dougie's new apartment and to visit somewhere a bit on the cooler side - but still had the benefit of going to the beach!

And BOY was it beautiful!  

Growing up in Texas, I am used to white sand, warm water, and a very flat landscape and it was such an amazing thing to see a whole new part of the country.  I had never been to a Great Lake, never been to Michigan (I have been to Chicago a few times), and never been somewhere in the summer with such INCREDIBLE, COOL weather!  :) I still smile when I remember the cool breezes we had all weekend - day and night - and can't even explain to you how icy the water felt when we first held hands and jumped in - screaming at the top of our lungs, of course!  

We stayed in an inn that was right on the lake (props to Jenna, our taskmaster for planning the details!) and walked down through this forest to get onto the sand each morning.  

hello thigh-workout. :)

We ran the gamut of summer activities - (you might notice a theme --lots of eating?)

• ice cream cones from this super fun place Oink's
• sea-kayaking through the inner waterways that led out to Lake Michigan and pretending to house-hunt as we floated past families of geese and duck peacefully swimming through the lilypads.  I have to say I will never forget when we pulled our kayaks over under the bridge and sang an echoey Billy Joel song in four part harmony.  goosebumps! 
•  excellent board game Quelf
• sparklers and patriotic singing on the front porch rocking chairs after dark
• bug bites, bug bites, bug bites....
• local brews and sandwiches at Red Arrow Road House
• live music at The Stray Dog 
• fresh squeezed orange juice at yummy brunch - The Blue Plate 
• eating watermelon with a spoon and looking out onto the water

We decided to celebrate Miss Lexi's upcoming November wedding in true JOLAS style -- with COSTUMES!  Ok, not full gear - but a few leis, bandanas, and a tiara.  Since we are hardly ever in the same place at the same time, we surprised the future Mrs. Goodnight with a night out on the town in the "booming metropolis" of New Buffalo, Michigan.  All in all, a tame night, but we did dance and sing on the dance floor in our perfect circle of five - and the bravest bachelorette moment Lexi had all night was harmlessly asking married men for marriage advice. :)  

I cannot tell you how many times I laughed, how good it feels to get in a good teary-eyed moment with your best gals, and how much I love these women.  

Thanks so much to Dougie for having us all in her apartment, for getting up at 3:45 to make sure I caught my flight home, for the awesome concert in Millennium Park !!!, and letting me steal all of your hipster Droid pictures for this blog entry.  

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA! :) 

the daily love

I subscribe to these incredible emails that fill my inbox each morning.  The Daily Love is a blog that is completely focused on self-love and positive thinking.  The Daily Love offers an email subscription newsletter you can read each day.  Sometimes I open it immediately, other times I read it on my phone while I'm waiting somewhere, and there are weeks where I don't open any and wait until I'm in my bed on Saturday morning when I can really savor them (aka today).  What a great way to get started, a great thing to mull over as you enjoy your a.m. coffee and breakfast, and for me this email has become the awesome pick-me-up I often need mid-morning while I take a 5 minute break at work during the school day.  

The Daily Love calls itself a "free e-multivitamin for the soul" and that's exactly how I view it.  It shows up amongst TONS of other emails in my inbox each day - and is one of the few things I can't wait to open.  It doesn't stress me out, doesn't remind me of someone I forgot to write back, and doesn't represent another item that goes un-checked-off on my to-do list.

I can't take credit for having discovered these emails myself.  I'm not that cool.  My friend Jenna turned me onto this email and I highly suggest signing up for it.  I have a group of four girlfriends I sang with in college who I keep in touch with every single day over email and Jenna is one of them.  (I will have to dedicate a whole other post to how much these women have changed me and how much their friendship means to my life.) 

This is not our best picture together, but certainly one of our best memories. 
Wrightsville Beach, NC for fourth of July of two years ago.

The thing about Jenna is that she is one of those incredible buddies who you can catch up with after weeks of having played phone tag and it's like you still live down the street from each other.  She is not only a good listener but has this amazingly sage advice for everyone who needs her.  She is wise beyond her years and is one of my female friends who truly practices self-love.  She makes me laugh, I love to cry beside her, and I decided I wanted to be just like her when I grow up (even though she is two years younger than me).  She used to forward me her favorites so I decided to sign up for them myself. 

Each email contains a link to a "guest-blog" - sometimes it's nutrition related, other times it might be a celebrity, an inspirational speaker's homepage, or even fun to go and explore online.  There are also inspirational images (maybe a beautiful sunset, or a graphic design to stimulate the senses) and a message from Mastin himself, the brilliant entrepreneur and CEO/creator of The Daily Love.  My FAVORITE parts of the email are the quotes and daily affirmations that are connected to Mastin's message/theme for that day's email. 

Just to give you examples, here are names of some of my favorite Daily Love emails that I have saved and re-read occasionally--

• Be a Warrior, not a Worrier.
• Belong to yourself.
• Get out of your own way!
• Learn to forgive.

Thursday's message from Mastin really hit home for me so I wanted to share it with you.  It is titled "The Golden Rule of Dating."  I find myself to be a TOTAL over-thinker in all aspects of my life and especially with relationships.  This message has since reminded me to stop fretting and to go with my gut. :)

Here's Mastin: 

For me, the most difficult part of any new relationship is the first 5%. ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating.

It's just awkward.

You know what I'm talking about. Questions like this: "Should I text them? Should I call them? How long is too long? How soon is too soon? What do I say? They didn't get back to me as quickly as I wanted, does that mean they aren't into me?" And on and on the questions go.

One of my friends, who I learned a lot from and who I consider to be a great teacher in my life, once gave me this piece of advice: "If you feel it, then reach out to them." I had considered this rule the Golden Rule of Dating for years.

I operated by this principle for a long time, but it didn't seem to be working. And then I started to reject myself. You know in the beginning how easy it is to write off someone you like 'cuz it's easier to close down than it is to open up and risk, right?

Well yeah, so anytime I would "feel it" and reach out and it didn't work out the way "I wanted it to", I would make up some story about myself and then close down. I've done this more times than I can count. Then one day I had a revelation. The advice, "Reach out when you feel it" isn't complete.

As I analyzed my behavior I saw that many of the times I was reaching out was from a place of wanting their approval or recognition. So my reaching out wasn't sharing from an overflow of Love, but rather pulling and clinging from a place of inner lack. When I realized this, the light bulb when off. What I had been "feeling" this whole time wasn't "love" or "my heart", but just your basic insecurity.

So I refined the Golden Rule of Dating that my friend had given me. Instead of, "If you feel it, reach out", I tweaked it to "If Love moves you, reach out".

Small change; totally different outcome.

This means that if you want to reach out to someone from a place of lack or needing their approval, then you are creating a relationship from lack and low self-esteem. The subtext of your communication is, "fill me up with you", and the other person can feel that energetically - ESPECIALLY when you reach out a lot.

There's no bigger turn off than excessive texting/calling and reaching out in the beginning. So, this means that the best time to reach out isn't when you want to "get" something from them, but when you genuinely want to "share" and "give" to them.

In the beginning, I've learned that it's best to let things unfold naturally rather than rush them, force them or cling right away. This gives both people time to be together and then retreat and swim in their own energy.

The by-product of this approach is that it helps you really create a friendship and get to know each other before you get physical. Also, in the void that is created when you aren't around the other person, you have a gift to go deeper into yourself and inquire as to why you feel lack without them.

Obviously, there is no exact rule or science to dating, but this Golden Rule of Dating really resonates with me. It helps me show up from fullness rather than chase from emptiness.

Reach out when Love moves you; reach out when your Heart says so. Don't reach out to be filled. Do your own work first and meet the other person from a place of fullness. This is the Golden Rule of Dating in my book.

Love,

Mastin

Mastin, my daily love guru. :)

Do you have a Golden Rule of dating that has worked for you?